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Dave Barry Is Not Taking This Sitting Down

Cover of Dave Barry Is Not Taking This Sitting Down

Dave Barry Is Not Taking This Sitting Down

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Pulitzer Prize-winning humorist Dave Barry is a pretty amiable guy. But lately, he's been getting a little worked up. What could make a mild-mannered man of words so hot under the collar? Well, a lot...
Pulitzer Prize-winning humorist Dave Barry is a pretty amiable guy. But lately, he's been getting a little worked up. What could make a mild-mannered man of words so hot under the collar? Well, a lot...
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Description-
  • Pulitzer Prize-winning humorist Dave Barry is a pretty amiable guy. But lately, he's been getting a little worked up. What could make a mild-mannered man of words so hot under the collar? Well, a lot of things--like bad public art, Internet millionaires, SUVs, Regis Philbin . . . and even bigger problems, like

    • The slower-than-deceased-livestock left-lane drivers who apparently believe that the right lane is sacred and must never come in direct contact with tires
    • The parent-misery quotient of last-minute school science fair projects
    • Day trading and other careers that never require you to take off your bathrobe
    • The plague of the low-flow toilets, which is so bad that even in Miami, where you can buy drugs just by opening your front door and yelling "Hey! I want some crack," you can't even sell your first born to get a normal-flushing toilet

    Dave Barry is not taking any of this sitting down. He's going to stand up for the rights of all Americans against ridiculously named specialty "--chino" coffees and the IRS. Just as soon as he gets the darn toilet flushed.

    From the Trade Paperback edition.

Excerpts-
  • From the book

    Politically CorrectSo there I was, sitting under the hot lights, when suddenly Vicki Lawrence leaped to her feet and started yelling at me about the death penalty. This happened in Los Angeles, on the TV show Politically Incorrect. People yell a lot on that show. One time I was on there with Micky Dolenz; he yelled at me, too. Back when I used to watch The Monkees on TV, I never dreamed that one day, one of them would be yelling at me personally regarding current events. This is a great nation.

    Guests are encouraged to express strong views on Politically Incorrect, because it makes for better entertainment. The host, Bill Maher, could name any topic at all--say, monetary reform in the 17th-century Netherlands--and we guests would immediately be at each other's throats over it, even if we were not totally certain what "Netherlands" are.

    I was on Politically Incorrect because I was on a book tour. You go on whatever show they tell you to go on, in hopes that the host will at some point hold your book up to the camera, causing consumers all over America to rush to bookstores to purchase it. You will basically do anything to get your book on TV. For example, a few days earlier, I let a total stranger commit a major act of gel on my hair. This was on The Today Show, in New York. I was sitting in the makeup room, drinking coffee, trying to wake up, and the makeup person, after studying my head, called the hair person over, pointed at my hair, and said: "See? This is exactly what I was talking about."

    Then they both laughed, and the hair person, before I knew what was happening, applied 37 pounds of Industrial Concrete Strength gel in my hair, and thus I appeared on national television looking like Eddie Munster. This would have been fine if the reaction of the world at large had been to rush out and purchase my book, but the actual reaction, to judge from the people I know who saw the show, was to ask: "What happened to your hair?"

    But getting back to Vicki Lawrence: She was yelling at me about the death penalty, and I was yelling back at her, while simultaneously--and I am NOT proud of this--holding my hand over the mouth of another guest, Sol Wachtler, a former chief judge of the New York State Court of Appeals who got into trouble over a woman and went to jail and, needless to say, wrote a book. I was silencing him so that I could better express my very strongly held views on the death penalty, although now I honestly cannot remember what those specific views were.

    I do remember that before the show, when I was in the waiting room with Vicki Lawrence, somebody brought up her hit song, "The Night the Lights Went Out in Geor- gia," which has an extremely complicated plot. I have never met anybody who understood what that song is about, so I figured this was my big chance to find out.

    "What is that song about?" I asked Vicki Lawrence.

    "I have absolutely no idea," she said.

    Here's a coincidence: Vicki Lawrence was once a regular on The Carol Burnett Show, and earlier that same day, I met: Carol Burnett! Yes! A comedy goddess! A star who, in my mind, is bigger than all the ex-Monkees combined. She and I were waiting to appear on the early-morning news show on Los Angeles TV station KTLA. I still don't know why Carol Burnett was there; I don't think she has a book out. I do know that we were both preceded on the show by a lengthy live news report in which the reporter wound up stripping down to her bathing suit and--I am not making this up--taking a shower with a live iguana. I don't know whether the iguana has a book out, but I would not bet against it.

    The next day I was on a show called Home & Family, which is...

Reviews-
  • San Francisco Examiner

    "Dave Barry is one funny human."

  • The Associated Press "ONE OF BARRY'S BEST COLLECTIONS, this book should delight his devoted readers and will surely make the uninitiated sit up and take notice."
  • The New York Times "Reading Barry with another person in the room invariably elicits one of two responses: 'What's so funny' or 'For God's sake, shut up'."
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    Random House Publishing Group
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  • Copyright Protection (DRM) required by the Publisher may be applied to this title to limit or prohibit printing or copying. File sharing or redistribution is prohibited. Your rights to access this material expire at the end of the lending period. Please see Important Notice about Copyrighted Materials for terms applicable to this content.

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